That soiree last night was awfully crazy
I wish we escaped it
I played some mad golf and had this one girl home by 8 an’
Close my day and know I succeed
Friends go to rehab with crazy speed
Pass out at 2, at school by 8,
Go fail my tests and my papers are late

I wanna go to Pembroke for the rest of my life
Join investment club, avoid social strife
On Chipotle thursday and Fine Arts night
I get my kicks for the private school price.
So math’s kinda tough
Practice APs are rough
English class doubles
Films border on smut
Medlock’s champion of Asian gong
Tullis loves the bon-bons
Families don’t even bounce, teach with your spouse
Better hope you make it
Otherwise you get replaced

Time isn’t wasted ‘less you’re Hallensleben
Woke up today and all I could say is

Spanish oral last week was awfully crazy,
I thought I raped it.
I lied my ass off and had the answers completely mistaken.
Receive my grades and peep the Cs
But weekend events are all I need.
Pass out at 2, at school by 8,
Go fail my tests and my papers are late.

Man I love Pembroke,
And I love thinkin’,
And I love meetin’s,
I love Pembroke.

Now, I can tell you what I learned from school
Cuz’ Griffiths gave a board lesson or two
and yeah of course I learned some rules,
Like, don’t go to the Commons as a freshman,
And don’t pass out on the Loose lawn,
And don’t hope for internet if you’re on swan,
When it comes to 8th grade, man, they’re too young,
Every mom in the world loves Niermann,
Sometimes Raider pride is too strong.
Nothing wrong with some fun
Even if Skdoops totally epically flunked

Time isn’t wasted, unless new kids displaced you
Woke up today and all I could say is

That arty last year was awfully crazy,
I worry ‘bout safety.
I laughed my ass off and had found his hitlist with my name in,
Piss in my pants and tell McGee,
Now that kid is never mean.
Pass out at 2, at school by 8,
Go fail my tests and my papers are late.

Man I love Pembroke,
And I love thinkin’,
And I love meetin’s,
I love Pembroke.

Now if everybody would please
Put their café drink as high as they can,
As high as they can
And repeat after me

CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

FRESHMAN! FRESHMAN! FRESHMAN! FRESHMAN!

WATCH NICK TINOCO! WATCH NICK TINOCO! WATCH NICK TINOCO! WATCH NICK TINOCO!

HI HAT! HI HAT! HI HAT! HI HAT!

Yeah
That soiree last night,
Man, I love Pembroke.
I love it.
That party last night,
Alright, everybody I gotta go back to class for a little bit…

But after that,
You know whats goin’ down,
My parents are in Japan,
See you at my house,
You’re all invited.
Bring your friends,
Bring your mom.

Do I really have to graduate,
Or can I just stay here for the rest of my life ?