Thesis 1
Pretzel sticks are the worst kind of pretzel. Caveat: the consumption situation assumed here is one without the possibility of dipping, which might radically alter the situation.
Thesis 2
There is nothing more annoying than making a complex search on Google and finding only ten of those link-farm websites that happen to have agglomerated enough different websites and random keywords to convince Google that it contains what you’re looking for. It does not. How is the business model for these sites at all sustainable? Obviously nobody cares about the advertisements on them. The first thing I do upon discovering a link-factory-farm website with that picture of the pleasant-looking white girl with the backpack and halter-top bordered by a mass of “COLLEGE FUNDING,” “COLLEGE CLASSES,” “COLLEGE GIRLSSSS” links is not think: “HELL YEAH, SELL ME SOMETHING!” This is why internet advertising has never made any sense. This is also why, at the very least, these websites need to get better stock images. I’m so tired of that “look at me, I go to school!” girl. I have never cared about her. Also, seriously, Google, I don’t want to see those results in my searches. Reform yourself.
Thesis 3
Apple pulled a female dog move by not releasing an iPhone 5 today. Sure, the iPhone 4S is different and, after all, everything gets better when it’s pluralized, but I’m still waiting for my original seventh grade version to be realized: an “iPhone” which looked like a combination of a classic iPod and a landline telephone and may very well be the least aesthetically appealing communication device ever thought up.
Thesis 4
College vegetarian food is intended to stop vegetarians from being vegetarians. Harvard’s dining hall food is pretty good. I don’t want to be that guy always complaining about the food. Frankly, the meat looks pretty decent. At the very least, it looks edible. The same can rarely, if ever, be said about the soppy red and green gloop that they have to audacity to call the “vegetarian entree” of the day/night. I eat it anyways. Part of the vegetarian transition was an acceptance on my part that I’d be losing out a little bit on flavor. However, part of the vegetarian transition was not an unsaid agreement that I should gastronomically suffer in the face of my flesh-eating comrades.
Thesis 5
Corn: worst or worstest?
Thesis 6
Talking to another individual while urinating is not awkward. Society needs to get over itself here. Talking to another person while pooping is awkward. (… plus I’m hungry for shit)
