Today, a large tornado in Springfield, MA killed four people. I don’t want to make light of the tragedy that severe weather has caused around the United States. There have been tornadoes all over the place though, so this can’t be that strange. Except that:
Tornadoes in Massachusetts are not as common as they are in the Midwest and South. The last one was on July 23, 2008, according to the National Climatic Data Center. (via MSNBC)
So tornadoes in Massachusetts aren’t exactly uncommon, but it’s been three years since the last one: “Rare, but not unique.” Fair enough, weather is clearly something that’s beyond a lot of human comprehension given how poorly the local news anchors tend to predict catastrophic disasters like these. Except that in Missouri, just a few days earlier, I sat in my basement with my dad while we watched those same local news anchors tell us about the potential for danger from tornadoes streaking across the state. Those violent clouds avoided Kansas City — it seems that tornadoes tend to avoid the bourgeois-y areas in favor of the poorer rural ones — but it is nonetheless a little close for comfort when there are touchdowns only seven blocks from your home.
I haven’t been to college yet, so I clearly don’t understand the difference between correlation and causation, but I’m just saying that it appears very clearly that when I’m inside a state, the chance of tornado activity increases exponentially. Am I worried? No, because in the same way that I avoid making distinctions between correlations and causations, I also avoid binding my logic trains to science or accurate predictions: clearly, if I’ve never been hit by a tornado before, I will never be at risk of this. That’s the type of reasoning that got us through the last financial recession, after all, isn’t it?
But one further point that all these tornadoes are making clear is this: I, Brad Bolman, for better or for worse, am the tornado man. And, further, while I am around or near you, inside a place of relative financial and social privilege, you and all your friends, family, and pets, are 100% safe from tornadoes. Now I may not be the life of the party sometimes, but warding off tornadoes is no easy business and I’m willing to sacrifice however necessary to fight off these cyclical funnels of doom. We will fight it together, but mainly I will fight it off by doing exactly what I typically do during severe weather: tweet about it.
If you’re not entirely convinced by my reasoning, these tornadoes have done an incredible amount of physical, psychological, and material damage to people and communities around the nation. The Red Cross has taken a lead in providing disaster support to those groups most affected by severe weather, and if you follow this link, you can donate a few dollars to help out: RED CROSS TORNADO SAVING. Or, if you’d like to thank me for doing my utmost to protect those of you living in large metropolitan areas, you can purchase one of these Brad Bolman t-shirts… I’ll donate any profits to the tornado relief or a suitable charity.
