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(un)Pretentious since 1991

A Blog Year Retrospective

Since the end of the college year is also essentially the end of my real year (and hopefully this pattern continues for the rest of my personal eternity), I thought I’d engage in a brief yearly retrospective for this website. It’s been 5 years since I first started posting here on Malapropped.com, which indicates that I was an impressively/pretentiously wordy eighth grader and that I have yet to grow overly exhausted from complaining about my trivial #bourgeoisproblems. Let’s begin:

The most popular single entry (based on visits to the particular article): The Legend of Peter Vale

The second most popular single entry: The Roughly But Not Exactly 30 Best Songs

Posts People Enjoy the Most, Thematically: Ones involving editing already-posted news pieces for comedic value, and ones where I attempt to be seriously philosophical. Ironically, neither of these is something I thought this blog contained much of…

Number of overly Racially/Culturally/Gender insensitive jokes this year: >6

Best Theme for the Site: I actually don’t have any data on this at all. Do people like the current one? It’s ok, I just don’t actually know much about web design and can’t really fix it myself.

Number of RSS Subscribers to the Blog at Last Check: 14

Number of Times I Grumbled About Air Travel: >4

Views on the Busiest Day: 114

Album Listened to While Writing This Post: Beach House, “Bloom”

Album Listened to Most Frequently While Writing Other Posts: WU LYF, “Go Tell Fire to the Mountain”

Total Site Views This Year: ~4000

The “I Guess I Go to Harvard” series collected: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5

Originally Intended Number of Posts in This Series: 15

Best Blog Series I Forgot About: Brief Interviews with Specific Intellectuals

My Favorite Image Posted Here from a While Ago: Disliking Fat People

My Favorite Image Not Posted Here from a While Ago: Herman Cain

A Free download for you: Wild Nothing’s cd Gemini in Apple Lossless (here). I DON’T CARE WHAT YOU SAY IT’S INCREDIBLE.

Favorite Television Shows of the Year in Order of Gratuitous Nudity: Game of Thrones, (a lot of blank space), Girls, Mad Men, Breaking Bad, Sherlock

Best Dog: Jindo

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Even Non-Nerds Should Consider Black Ops II

For this reason alone:

The team at Treyarch dreamed up Black Ops 2′s story over a year ago in conjunction with legendary script writer David Goyer (Batman Begins) and consulting from Peter Singer of the Brookings Institution.

This is not Peter Singer the ethicist, but Peter Singer the “director of the 21st Century Defense Initiative and a senior fellow in Foreign Policy at Brookings.” What’s more interesting about Singer in this context, however, is that a great deal of his work is on American defense and future robotic warfare, which is also, essentially, the plot to the next Black Ops game. I think we’re pretty used to thinking about think-tanks having a lot of influence on public policy, but it’s interesting also to see them getting involved in cultural production as well. And as Ian Bogost has pointed out, there’s been woefully little work on the persuasive power of video games (although that trend is certainly decreasing).

It’s intriguing, of course, as well, that the game centers on tensions between the United States and China, of which Singer has said that, “There is perhaps no relationship as significant to the future of world politics.” (here) And the major issue that Singer sees as establishing major frictions in this relationship is, of course, “cybersecurity.”

There’s a peculiar sort of play-within-a-play mirroring happening here, as well: here’s a game where US defense has lost control of its own technology, played inside a medium of high technology, inspired by US defense consultants, where the players role is to fix the problems created by proliferation of uncontrollable technology by US defense operations. It’s hard to say how China is portrayed in the game, but it’s likely they get at least some “big bad communists” depiction, because that has always sold well in the Call of Duty games. And so the game sets itself up both as the apocalyptic imaginary of Singer’s research/work gone wrong, while leaving ambiguous what lessons a gamer will really get out of it. Call of Duty is hardly an overly didactic series (A previous game makes you murder civilians in one mission, only to have your character killed at the end of the same level. The moral/ethical lesson here is far from clear.) and so I’m interested to see how the game handles the (arguably) important issues for world politics that will be its main focuses.

Peter Singer has also done work on Child Soldiers, so hopefully Call of Duty 8: Child Soldiers is in the pre-production stages…

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What Does the Button Do?

So I’m sitting in Bolocco (shitty story intro, I know), as I so often do (and the long-term, large-scale review effort of all of their burrito options is still forthcoming but will be, I promise, thorough), and I notice a mother and daughter standing at the soda machine. They’re holding water cups. They look deep in thought. But after a few moments, they’ve been still for too long. Still just contemplating the machine. Inspecting it. Finally the young one reaches forward with her cup and out spews forth lemonade. She’s horrified. She didn’t pay for lemonade. She pours it out, because her clear glass has a lemony neon hue that’s giving away the charade. She looks at her mom. The mother looks back at her with absolute confusion. She doesn’t get it either. And it’s at this moment that I realize something:

These people have never used a soda machine with a water button before.

Think about it. They’re EVERYWHERE in Amurrica. Think about this: they’ve never even seen someone else do it. They have never even accidentally glimpsed someone accidentally tapping the water button. And then I start to wonder, “Wait a second… am I the only one who has ever used these?” I quickly dismiss that thought. You know why? BECAUSE IT’S INSANE AND THESE PEOPLE ARE ALIENS. Lost in my musings and only slightly funny internal deliberations, I look back to notice that one of the workers in Bolocco has actually left from making burritos in order to demonstrate to these people the functioning of the machine.

This is tits crazy. I chew into my burrito. It’s like a Falluja of taste.

They’re looking at the recently released water in the water cup with the eyes of a baby who just figured out that you can pick things up. There’s almost nothing more interesting these days than people who aren’t entirely adjusted to our late-capitalist times. IMPORTANT MORAL LESSON. I used to play up the rurality a lot when I met people at summer camps and what-not when I was younger, because nobody in the world will accept that Kansas City is not just a series of cow patches connected by horizontal incest.

Have you ever stayed in the Lexington airport for more than a few hours? Have you ever been forced to listen Headline News for three hours? Apparently almost nothing happens other than 1) a dog getting on a bike, 2) a dog killing a baby, 3) anarchists trying to blow up bridges, and 4) John Edwards’s trial. There are, to the best of my edification by these folks, no other news-worthy events going on anywhere in the universe.

Thesis: there is nothing more annoying than an inept pre-performance sound guy testing microphones.

“Yep, 1. Yeap. 1. Yep 1, Yep 1. Yeap 1. Yep Yep Yep. 2. Yeaaa. 1. Yep 1. 2.”

It’s like listening to a one-sided telephone call between a passive-aggressive DMV worker and someone arbitrarily listing the numbers 1-3.

A second thesis I have that I’m pretty sure is true: There is no legitimate need for the stage microphone dude.

Every group of roadies just has one guy they need to keep distracted so he doesn’t break everything during the pre-set preparations.

Choice quotes from the Das Racist set at Harvard’s Yardfest:

“Listen up you little over-privileged fucks!”

“We can’t have that, contractual obligations. SHOUT OUT IF YOU KNOW ABOUT CONTRACTUAL OBLIGATIONS!”

“YO YO How you doing Wesleyan? I mean Harvard…”

“SHOUT OUT IF YOU’RE A WHITE PERSON!” (After somebody not white shouts: “Come on, man, what are you doing?”)

Hotel security people at the Lexington downtown Hilton suck. They also happen to look like walking molerat people. And it led me to ask, because the downtown Hilton in Lexington is a reasonably alright hotel, what on earth are security people like at hotels in shittier places? (Preempt: there are, though it will shock you, worse places than Lexington)

I’m Brad, that’s a Lord of the Rings monster, and I’ll have more later on.

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Notes on the Human Zoo

“For the few who still peer around in those archives, the realization is dawning that our lives are the confused answer to questions which were asked in places we have forgotten.” – Peter Sloterdijk, “Rules for the Human Zoo”

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Baudrillard, Holograms, and The Artist

Simulacra and Simulation, published in 1981, is a book that has had a rather impressive track record for reasonably accurately and concretely predicting pop cultural developments. There’s inevitably confirmation bias, but it provides credibility for the claim that Baudrillard was the great science fiction (SF) philosopher.

The hologram, perfect image and end of the imaginary. (Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation)

The Tupac appearance at Coachella as a hologram demonstrated that, more than anything else, if Baudrillard was wrong about the increasing collapse of “reality” into simulation, it’s only because we haven’t let enough time pass by. Here we have deceased Tupac performing — living, as if lending credence to the long-running joke that he is not even dead: he keeps releasing new material. The capitalist dream: the dead as productive. No life necessary to circulate, no consumption: pure excess. Tupac performs with his still-living contemporaries — using images of the formerly living, specters of a different time for their own profit. His re-incarnation is supposedly a dream of Dr. Dre’s — embracing his name, his false profession. His reincarnation is the dream of every record executive: musical necromancy. Why sign new talent? Just copy the old.

The closer one gets to the perfection of the simulacrum (and this is true of objects, but also of figures of art or of models of social or psychological relations), the more evident it becomes (or rather to the evil spirit of incredulity that inhabits us, more evil still than the evil spirit of simulation) how everything escapes representation, escapes its own double and its resemblance. (Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation)

Not really Tupac, a zombie Tupac for our zombie political culture — and now a zombie popular culture, too. Like the wax dolls of Madame Tussaud’s taken to a new limit: not content to just see and feel the dead and famous, but to EXIST WITH the dead. There’s something wrong that the crowd can sense. Holographic Tupac as the absolute example of the dissolution of creativity. Current hip hop can no longer produce exciting talent: resurrect the dead. The cryogenic frozen Walt Disney dream for music. Less aesthetic pleasure than functional pleasure.

Here, the same with The Artist?

One talks of remaking silent films, those will also doubtlessly be better than those of the period. A whole generation of films is emerging that will be to those one knew what the android is to man: marvelous artifacts, without weakness, pleasing simulacra that lack only the imaginary, and the hallucination inherent to cinema. (Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation)

Trotting out the same tired genres to convince us they still bring joy. More importantly, to convince us we are still capable of joy, still the same as before. That we can find beauty in simple pleasures. Give it all the awards: like a retrospective for the past itself, for an entire era. In reality, it partly exterminates the past. Las Vegas in cinema: signs, instantly recognizable, yet pointing at nothing. The absolute simulacra of the past. The Artist is the original without a copy. A remembrance of what was lost? Lost to whom by whom?

Cinema plagiarizes itself, recopies itself, remakes its classics, retroactivates its original myths, remakes the silent film more perfectly than the original, etc.: all of this is logical, the cinema is fascinated by itself as a lost object as much as it (and we) are fascinated by the real as a lost referent. (Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation)

There is no longer a real, only The Artist. Only holographs of Tupac. The Wachowskis took The Matrix from Baudrillard: perhaps mining Baudrillard is the perfect place to find another cold million. A million that cannot be anything but cold. “The Matrix is surely the kind of film about the matrix that the matrix would have been able to produce.” Baudrillard seems to be the philosopher only the simulation could produce.

This artificial memory will be the restaging of extermination – but late, much too late for it to be able to make real waves and profoundly disturb something, and especially, especially through a medium that is itself cold, radiating forgetfulness, deterrence, and extermination in a still more systematic way… (Baudrillard, Simulacra and Simulation)

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Business Insider’s Strange Foreign Policy

Interesting post over on Foreign Policy Passport, here. I had always thought Business Insider had some pretty bizarre foreign policy coverage in the past.

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